funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
