My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
