So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
