people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
