Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
