how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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