It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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