well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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