I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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