just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
