She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
we're so committed to being not committed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
