PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize