I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize