Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
