The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
