R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
