your room smells of hookers.
And success
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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