I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
