im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
