So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
