Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
