No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
