I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
