U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I supernannyed him into submission
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
