I understand Curling. That high.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
