Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
