the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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