If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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