I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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