Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My liver just had a heart attack.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
