So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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