just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
