Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
