Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
