I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
