Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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