He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
