Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
