i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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