I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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