i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
