put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
