Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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