My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
