At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
