I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
