I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
