Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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