will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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