Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
