last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
