My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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