I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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