So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
