How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
