I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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