You're a womanizer and a bitch.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Drake has all the answers
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
