Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize