never play flip cup with pint glasses
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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