I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
