what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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