Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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