no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
