when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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