Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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